The End of the Beginning

Tumblr

2010-02-07T20:27:00.000+08:00

I is moving to tumblr :P

http://paroxysm-of-mondegreen.tumblr.com/

Not good

2010-01-27T22:01:00.001+08:00

I don't like it when I blow up. Worse still, for ridiculous reasons. Why do people only look at your mistakes and not the efforts you make to change. God, please calm me down.

Word of the day:
Scopophobia – fear of being looked at or stared at.

Old

2010-01-24T19:19:00.002+08:00

20 is such a scary number.

Anyway, went to play badminton with dad and bro today. Haha. I sure am lousy after not exercising for so long. I saw some little kids playing soccer. The big one (who wasn't very big) was trying to teach the small ones tricks. Sadly, it totally failed cos the small ones don't know what the hell the big one was saying. Hahaha! And as long as they see the ball crossing their line, they scream "GOAL!". The joy in kids. Hehe.

And now my arms are starting to ache. Pfft.

I still have work to do ):

I am so not looking forward to this week knowing how hectic it's gonna be.
Monday MAEC planning for reading program. Suppose to have tuition, now it's postponed to I believe Tuesday.
Wednesday Agogo Robics (maybe tuition instead :P)
Thursday morning driving, night, OMS.
Friday morning driving.
Saturday afternoon driving.
Sunday madrasah, afternoon driving.
MONDAY TP TEST. AHH!

Crap. May god give me more energy this week. I'm a good saint this week so, pweeaassee! *CHEESY SMILE*

Wants and Needs

2010-01-23T22:46:00.002+08:00

Do I want or need these?

ABRSM Theory
ABRSM Practical
Altus Flute

Pfft.

Small wonders

2010-01-18T20:49:00.003+08:00

Yes, before I get spiderwebs on my blog, I shall start blogging about. Hehe.

School. School school school.
It's really tiring, but it's those small little things that happen in school that really drives me on. Students hug you before they leave class, say "Selamat Pagi Cikgu!" or just go screaming "CIKGU!" when they're like so far away, students smiling at your retarded nonsensical jokes, don't you love it?

But I so dread doing lesson plans. RARGH.

Mahmudah, I don't know what to update lah. :P

Haha. I have nothing much to update really.

Welcome 2010

2010-01-01T03:47:00.002+08:00

I'm awake at this hour because something's holding me back.

Went over to Yi Zi's for a simple gathering. Played "The Game of Life" and we were all quite blur about it because none of us has actually really played the game before. Had some pizza and all. I decided to head home at 3+ AM all alone. Haha. Put myself in such a dangerous situation but I'm perfectly fine (:

I'm not gonna mention any new year resolutions this year. I believe this's year's resolution should go the way it should; only I will know it in my heart.

I don't like the way things go.

Ok Ramizah, don't do this on the first day of New Year, feeling emotional and all.

Sorry but I cannot help it. I don't like how things have been cleared but I am still treated like that. Why spoil my day? Why? Maybe I'm just expecting things to go my way. Maybe I am just expecting too much in return. Why?

Here I am advising people to stay calm and cool yet I myself need to stay calm and cool. It's irritating when there are so much excuses made.

I think I'm starting to type gibberish >.<

Happy New Year!

Poor Memory Retention

2009-12-29T22:05:00.002+08:00

I must eat
asparagus, blue berry, cocoa, egg yolk, rosemary, salmon, tomato sauce and walnut to retain my horrid memory retention. LOL.

I must see
yellow for morale booster
blue for peace and calm
green for decision making

I must listen
more and

I must talk
less

I must smell
tranquility in the air

-----

Anyone interested to go Pangkor with me? It is freaking nice lah! RARGH. Blue seas and I just have a strong chemistry. HAHA! Go see for yourself here
http://www.pangkorlautresort.com/

I finally finally got my timetable, like YAY. To me, it's of no surprise. I was just looking forward to finding out what my morning classes are. Yup. I feel so geared up all of a sudden. This better be a good feeling.

Let me drift away in happiness. Weeee...

To be heard

2009-12-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

I want to be heard.

I don't like this feeling.

As the year comes to an end

2009-12-27T20:44:00.002+08:00

You start to wonder, what have you been doing for the past 360+ days.
You start to think whether the different choices that you've made was right or wrong.
At the end of it, there's no point thinking about it because it is all the past.

Should I just miss typing my resolutions this year? Haha.

Watching Singapore Idol now. Go Sezairi!

Hahaha.

Someone give me inspiration to blog!

Travel

2009-12-12T23:42:00.002+08:00

My only current wish is to be able to travel to just anywhere, to relax and enjoy. Oh well.

I'm currently at Genting Highlands. Reached up here late, no time to play at the outdoor theme park. Better luck tomorrow perhaps. Sometimes, the thrill of the steep slopes and sharp bends of roller coasters that make you really feel better. That made me rather disappointed today because we missed the chance to actually get on the roller coasters.

Mozzie bites from Kedah are just so irritating.

Signature meals. Pizza Hut in KL for lunch, Sup in KL for dinner, Kway Teow Goreng Kerang at Kedah, Kenny Rogers at Genting. Somehow we actually spend a lot more on food rather than shopping. Oh yes, shopping. I bought a hell lot of things! Wohoo! But still cannot get my green adidas jacket that I have been eyeing for years! RARGH.

Why am I still awake, blogging, at Genting Highlands?! Ok, tata!

And you reach this point.

Like it has always been

2009-12-08T18:49:00.002+08:00

Like it has always been, sometimes your moods go up, sometimes your moods go down. I don't like being the bad guy all the time you know. Scolding like some mad woman is just not my cup of tea anymore. That's why I end up like some naggy old grandmother scolding my students, best still in malay. Seriously, I don't like scoldings. But sometimes, you just like pushing the buttons huh.

Endure. How do you define endure? How do you know what is your limits?
Me? I never believe in limits.

The fear is building. Speaking of it gives me the creeps. Thinking of it makes me shrug. I don't like this.

Resepi Cinta Athaillah

2009-11-28T19:28:00.003+08:00

Resepi Cinta Athaillah
Fadhil lalu menceritakan semuanya. Tentang Tiara yang meminta pendapatnya kerana dilamar Zulkifli yang tidak lain adalah temannya sendiri di Indonesia. Tentang saranan yang ia berikan. Tentang segala perasaan cintanya pada Tiara. Tentang kekecewaan Tiara. Tentang pernikahan Tiara yang akan segera diadakan. Tentang hasil mesyuarat di KMA yang memintanya jadi ketua majlis. Tentang dirinya yang harus mendendangkan nasyid di hadapan mempelai berdua. Tentang segala rasa cinta pada Tiara yang membuatnya tersiksa. Tentang kesedihan dan nestapanya yang menyesak dada. Fadhil menceritakan itu semua dengan mata berkaca-kaca.

"Bayangkan Kang, kalau boleh jujur, aku sudah bersimpati padanya sejak mengajarnya di Madrasah Aliyah, Dulu aku tidak merasakannya. Tapi sejak dia tiba di Cairo, aku diam-diam sudah merancang hendak mengkhitbahnya sebaik sahaja aku lulus. Aku sangat mencintainya. Namus, hairannya ketika dia minta saranan, kenapa aku boleh memberi saranan demikian. Kenapa aku jadi pahlawan dengan mengutamakan orang lain? Sekarang aku seperti terpanggang oleh api cemburu dan penyesalan yang sangat menyakitkan. Aku harus bagaimana Kang?"

Azzam tersenyum. Entah kenapa mendengar kisah Fadhil ia terasa ingin tertawa, tapi tidak melakukannya. Ia takut membuat Fadhil semakin tersiksa. Dengan tenang, ia berniat menghibur dan memberikan jalan yang lebih terang kepada Fadhil. Ia menasihati:

"Dhil, Fadhil, masalah yang kau hadapi itu masalah kecil. Tidak usah kau besar-besarkan. Nanti semuanya akan baik-baik saja. Ini kebetulan aku baru saja membaca perkataan Imam Ibnu Athaillah yang sangat dasyat tentang cinta. Dan perkataan beliau ini boleh jadi terapi yang tepat untuk penyakit cintamu. Ya, aku katakan apa yang kausimpan di hatimu itu adalah penyakit. Cinta sejati itu menyembuhkan tidak menyakitkan.

"Dengar baik-baik ya perkataan Ibnu Athaillah, saya bacakan terus dari kita asalnya. Beliau mengatakan: La yukhriju asy syahwata illa khaufun muz'ijun aw syauqun muqliqun! Ertinya tidak ada yang dapat mengusir syahwat atau kecintaan pada kesenangan duniawi selain rasa takut kepada Allah yang menggetarkan hati, atau rasa rindu kepada Allah yang membuat hati merana!

"Cuba resapi baik-baik kata-kata 'ulama' besar dari Iskandaria. Kecintaanmu pada Tiara itu syahwat. Hampir semua orang jatuh cinta itu merasakan apa yang kau rasakan. Dan perasaan seperti itu tidak akan boleh kau keluarkan, kau usir dari hatimu, kecuali jika kau memiliki dua hal.

"Pertama, rasa cinta kepada Allah yang sangat luar biasa yang menggetarkan hatimu. Sehingga ketika ada di hatimu adalah Allah, yang lain dengan sendirinya menjadi kecil dan terusir. Kedua, rasa rindu kepada Allah yang amat dahsyat sampai hatimu merasa merana. Jika kau merasa merana kerana rindu kepada Allah, kau tidak mungkin merana kerana rindu pada yang lain. Jika kau sudah sibuk memikirkan Allah, kau tidak akan sibuk memikirkan yang lain.

"Kerana hatimu miskin cinta dan rindu kepada Allah, jadinya kau dijajah oleh cinta dan rindu pada yang lain. Saat ini yang menjajah hatimu adalah rasa cinta dan rindumu pada Tiara. Itulah yang membuatmu tersiksa. Padahal kau sudah tahu bahawa dia sudah dilamar dan dikhitbah saudaramu sendiri. Kau harus tahu perasaan seseorang tidak dapat merubah hukum syari'at. Seberapa besar cintamu kepada Tiara dan seberapa perasaan cintanya kepadamu, tidak aku merubah hukum dan status Tiara, bahawa ia telah dikhitbah oleh saudaramu. Apalagi Tiara telah menerimanya.

"Panitia pernikahan telah disusun. Kau sama sekali tidak boleh merosakkannya. Kalau kau mahu jadi pahlawan jangan setengah-setengah. Jadilah pahlawan yang benar-benar pahlawan, meskipun harus mengorbankan sesuatu yang kau anggap paling berharga. Tidak ada pahlawan yang tidak berkorban apa-apa!"

Kedua mata Fadhil basah mendengar kata-kata Azzam yang membukakan jalan lebih terang baginya. Tapi Tiara masih juga tertulis dengan jelas di hatinya.

"Terima kasih Kang. Cinta memang bukan segala-galanya, tapi kehilangan cinta seperti kehilangan segala-galanya"

Azzam tersenyum dan berkata dengan suara perlahan:

"Benar. Mencintai makhluk itu sangat berpeluang menemui kehilangan. Kebersamaan dengan makhluk juga berpeluang mengalami perpisahan. Hanya cinta kepada Allah yang tidak. Jika kau mencintai seseorang ada dua kemungkinan diterima dan ditolak. Jika ditolak pasti sakit rasanya. Namun jika kau mencintai Allah pasti diterima. Jika kau mencintai Allah, engkau tidak akan pernah merasa kehilangan. Tidak akan ada yang merebut Allah yang kau cintai itu dari hatimu. Tidak akan ada yang merampas Allah. Jika kau bermesraan dengan Allah, hidup bersama Allah, kau tidak akan pernah berpisah dengannya. Allah akan setia menyertaimu. Allah tidak akan berpisah darimu. Kecuali kamu sendiri yang berpisah dariNya. Cinta yang paling membahagiakan dan menyembuhkan adalah cinta kepada Allah 'Azza wa Jalla."

Mendengar hal itu ada kesejukan yang mengalir di dalam jiwanya. Kesejukan yang membuat hatinya sedikit terhibur dan lega. Jiwanya perlahan mulai menemukan ketenangan.

Ketika Cinta Bertasbih 1
Habiburrahman El Shirazy

MasyaAllah. This book really enlightened me. May it enlighten others who read it too (:

Head down

2009-11-17T20:24:00.003+08:00

Today, was just filled with a mixture of emotions.

One minute I was happy. Another minute I was distraught and in a mess. Why?

Yes, you can never get things the way you want it all the time.

Sometimes, I feel that I need that slack. How can you possibly please everyone?

The joy of seeing children. When one starts hugging you, the rest wanna hug you too. So sweet huh? Even the boys wanted to hug me! It's okay, they're only 7. Hahah! As I was heading to the staff room with 2 of my primary 5 girls, I heard a scream "CIKGU RAMIZAH!!!" and there I saw, 4 or 5 darlings of mine from the primary 2 class, with 2 plates of food. They were having a party, and so they gave me some food from the celebration. How nice, they actually remembered me even though I only see them twice a week, half an hour per lesson.

My primary 5 students, I believe, enjoyed themselves during the celebration. There was a shortage of food but I guess the snacks managed to fill the students' stomach. One of the boys went down to buy a large bottle of Coke. Got some cups from somewhere, and gladly enough, did not forget his teacher, he actually had a cup for me.

It is these little things that keeps me going. It's the smiles on the students' faces that's so motivating. It's the simple stories that they eagerly tell me. It's just every little thing. But seriously, you don't know what lies deep down in their hearts and minds. One moment, you may get so frustrated that the students' attitude but when you realised that they have heavy issues on their backs, you say "Oh". Many a times I am caught in such a situation, getting easily annoyed at irritating high pitched voices. It's when I realised how fortunate I am as compared to them that I decide that my approach is not the way to go.

Oh well. Even if this is what every one should be doing, it's not right. So who should you please? Them or them?

Today I headed home, with no realisation of my surroundings. My head was down, my eyes were closed, when I actually had a wonderful day today.

Sigh.

When you know

2009-11-14T16:10:00.002+08:00

When you know someone needs the attention, and you cannot provide it, what can you do?

When you know you are not allowed to play with fire, why do you try?

When you know life's short, why don't you care?

When you know it, you have to do something about it. But when you refuse, that's it.

I am starting to see the change. I guess I'm finally liking my job (:

The Tulip

2009-10-30T22:43:00.002+08:00

The Tulip - Symbol of a perfect lover

It goes to show why I never actually got hold of one till now (:

What does appreciation mean to you? I'm no economist. Just normal English. To appreciate is to be thankful in a sincere manner. I was just utterly disappointed at this particular incident. It just made me shun away even more from all the mess relationships can bring. It's such a disappointment. You always want to look out for the perfect one. Truth is, no one is perfect. So how do you actually define perfect? I'm just totally locked. I swallowed the key too. When people try too hard, it only brings damage.

One side of me just feel so jealous looking at others. Another part of me just hates it. I'm just pretty messed up for now. No worries, I'm picking up speed. There's nothing much that I can do but to live life like there's no tomorrow.

And today I realised that kids are getting involved in a relationship like when they're only in Primary 3? Like, oh shit man, what's happening?! And I thought I was stupid when I started all this in Secondary 1. Sheesh. They start using vulgarities already in primary school. I don't even know any of the vulgarities until I entered secondary school life where I was STRAIGHT AWAY given the "Dictionary of Violence and Vulgarities". The effect of Internet. The effect of MSG on our body. The effect of parents neglecting children, only thinking about money. Damn.

I was totally amazed by how my students did for their Oral Examination. Even though some may not have succeeded in passing, I believed that to have them speaking up is already a huge achievement. Kudos to Ramizah! HipHip Hurray! One more paper to go, and I'll be flying without wings! Wakaka.

Easily irritated. Easily flattered. Easily pissed. Easily pleased.

Please.

Talk a step back

2009-10-27T21:37:00.002+08:00

I need to take a step back. When you come to realise that all you wanna do is get the limelight on you, you either ignore it, or take a step back. Oh man. I hate it when I do this. I hate it when all I wanna do is just to pour my heart out but no one listens. Damn.

I hate and love it. Pfft.

I am drained to the bone but yet not taking a rest. I am so asking for it. Ramizah needs a break from everything. Really.

What is it?

2009-10-22T20:44:00.002+08:00

When things go wrong, we know there must be a reason. What is it?

When you feel sick and tired, all you wanna do is run away from everything. What is it that is making you feel so?

Obligation. A word that I have yet to understand. The meaning that I refuse to accept.

Another day of suspended timetable. I don't wish for next week to start.

Twisted words, deep meaning.

Why.

Sometimes

2009-10-18T23:50:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, we have to.

I don't wanna play with fire anymore.

Watched Simfoni Filem Nusantara with Mahmudah today. It was great. Fuad Rahman's Isabella really made me melt, like OH MY GOD LAH! AHHHH! OH NO! HAHA!

I haven't been eating. Today, I ate chocolate waffles and double cheeseburger, with a few spoonfuls of Mee Bandung left on the table in the living room. Wow. Not good not good. It's not like I don't wanna eat! I want to but I just don't feel hungry.

Panda eyes are bad enough. What about panda eyes being punched?! LOL.

Here We Go Again

2009-10-16T01:07:00.002+08:00

I cannot believe I am having anxiety attacks. I need a doctor to help me.

I seriously think I'm going a bit off track.

Help.

Never Expect

2009-10-13T21:31:00.002+08:00

I never expect anything.

I never expected this.

Everything is about me. Yes. I never denied that. That explains everything doesn't it? May god give me the strength to overcome everything. Only god knows and believes me. It's a pity really but I guess fate has it's own direction.

Let me hyperventilate! Wohoo! I'm nuts.

And life goes on like it's all the same

2009-10-11T09:29:00.002+08:00

No matter what happened the day before, the day after goes on like it's all the same. Sick. Physically sick. Mentally recovering. I don't like me these days.

Long Gone

2009-10-09T00:43:00.003+08:00

After being long gone, I'm back.

I'm suppose to be asleep but I simply just cannot do so. Pfft.

I have reached a point whereby I am off-track, going in all directions, not able to think straight. I asked for this. I have no right to get angry. I have no right to get upset. I totally have no right. Maybe I just wanna be too perfect. Maybe I only believe that no one can ever understand. It is scary when you realise that you are alone in a crowd. I don't like that feeling.

My sensitivity is tuned too high again. I'm breaking nearly everything.

Pressure here. Pressure there. Why are people so hard to please? Why am I suppose to please people? Why can't I be the same typical one who wants people to please me? Or am I already like that that I don't get pleased when people what me to please them. Selfish. Everyone ought to be selfish sometimes. No one wants to die when the rule of the game says, "Survival of the Fittest". No one wants to be outcasted.

What have I done to deserve all these? Have I made the wrong choice? Or have I made many wrong choices? What could I have done to prevent all these? Sometimes, asking yourself too much only makes things even worse.

I don't like expecting anything anymore. I rather let things go with the flow. I don't want to be the pilot anymore, navigating my way through to sought happiness. I want to be the kite that flies in the direction of the wind. If the wind decides to stop, I'll stop. If the string decides to break, let it be. I don't want to path out my way.

I don't need no comments from people who think I'm retarded, stupid or whatever not. I am sick and tired of it. Cut me some slack. Give the kite some slack. If you don't, it will just break away.

On the other hand, I feel like I need help. Serious help. My mental health is not good these days and it kinda worries me. I really wonder what lies ahead. I don't like this. God, show me the way.

So do I deserve this fate? Should I face it or avoid it? I'm killing myself softly. Go away. Please, go away.

1AM. I'm still wide awake like its 10AM.

Jealousy

2009-09-10T05:19:00.003+08:00

Sometimes we are ungrateful with what we have, not realising that it is the best you can ever have.

Sent Jia Huey off to China just now. I hope you'll have a blissful and fruitful journey. 6 months off homeland is no joke. I don't think I'd survive that. One week is enough to make me miss my bed, family and friends like I left it for one year. She'll survive, no doubt about it (:

She just set me off thinking. I felt so jealous (in a good way of course!) of her. Finally, her story is complete. Great opportunity, perfect relationship. What more can you ask for right? Joe Han had really proved himself worthy and Jia Huey definitely did not make the wrong move. Let's just pray that the 6 months will fly like how time always do and that there would be no great challenge that they cannot overcome together (:

I wonder to myself again, what am I doing with myself? Maybe simple happy moments that my friends get to have are enough for me. I don't know. I find myself so hard to please. God knows what will make me at ease.

And then again, a new chapter begins. A new chapter with incomplete mysteries from the previous ones. Nadiah with her set of challenges, and I with mine. God does not give us challenges that we cannot pull through. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.

Today, I learn that I have cast upon myself a very harmful spell. Everyone always thought Ramizah is one ridiculous girl who flares up when things go wrong. That perception doesn't seem to be removable. Sometimes I realise that I end up all alone in a group of friends. Maybe I expect too much of others or is it the fact that others think that I can survive on my own.

I don't like the feeling of being alone. I always wanna feel like I belong.

What has become of me?

A lonely little me.

I don't know why I feel this way

Like nearly every other day

Am I holding back too much? Am I expecting too much? I feel like I'm having some kind of inner depression and I don't like it. Insecurities.

Great. Hari Raya in 10 days. I am SO excited, not. Damn this feeling sucks. I think I just need sleep.

Bully

2009-09-04T22:26:00.000+08:00

Oh well. Went for some dialogue session. Many said I was bullied but the session was refreshing so I didn't feel so bullied can? Haha.

Why is my nose always blocked? Why does the phlegm in my throat refuse to get out?

ARGH.

School Holidays. Yay, Not.

Back

2009-08-26T13:46:00.002+08:00

Now I'm back again, alone. Haha.

Sometimes, you really need to take a step back and look at what you've done.

I am sitting here today, realising that there are many things in my life that have gone wrong. Nevertheless, I still survived. But of course, I did learn from every incident. I learn to allow people to listen to two sides of a story. I learn to listen more and talk less. I learn to give and take.

Sometimes in life, you just cannot stay at the peak for too long. You have got to give someone else the chance.

I nearly forgot I have class in 5 minutes! Chao!

Is it me?

2009-08-26T12:54:00.002+08:00

Why does it seem like people don't hear me talk? Is it just me?

I'm all alone now. Everyone's off to somewhere else. Why do I always receive things late?! RARGH. Irritating. Bleah. I am suppose to go home at 3 but I have to do relief till 5. DOUBLE RARGH.

Okay, everyone's back. Bye. Hahah!

Realise

2009-08-25T05:13:00.002+08:00

When you realise that everything was coming to an end, what can you do?

Until now, I still cannot bring myself up. Undesirable hatred just keeps building no matter how hard to try to stop it.

This can't do.

Running away

2009-08-22T17:45:00.002+08:00

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't wanna feel

You and I alone.

What do you do when you're stuck?

I don't know.

And I thought there's no more

2009-08-19T23:17:00.002+08:00

Attention whore?

And I thought I already changed my address so that I dont receive such things anymore. I already have enough problems in hand you know. I changed my address so that this blog is only for ME and my loveliest friends to read. If you really wanna give me some advice, maybe you should take this advice, leave your NAME. You think you know what I'm going through? Damn it man. I want peace here, not shit like this. You have issues with me, tell me straight in the face, give me your identity. Not like that.

Sesungguhnya aku bukan insan yang sempurna,

mencuba sedaya-upaya untuk mengelakkan diri daripada hina dan dosa.

Seriously lah seh, what the hell is wrong with you? Wahlau. You think I'm dumb is it? I'm not trying to degrade people ok. I'm just saying what I feel right? Does Islam teach us to keep all our problems to ourselves and go crazy? No right?

Today I went to school crying. You have a problem with that too? I just couldn't take it. I even thought of turning back home. I teared but no one realised. Ok, I'm not trying to seek your attention unless you think I am seeking your attention which I apparently already did. I saw a boy in the sick bay crying. I'm like, crap, don't cry, you're gonna make me break down too you know. Oh well. He was crying because his stomach ached and he wanted to go home. I was tearing because my heart ached, and I wanted to go home too.

Seriously you know, you think I wanna be so rude? You don't know me then don't anyhow accuse lah.

I am not that girl who goes around saying no.

I am not that girl who thinks power is everything.

I am not that girl who rebels instantly at anything that is not to my liking.

I am not what you think I am.

Damn.

One day of my life wasted. Please no more wastage.

May god forgive my sins.

Accomplishment

2009-08-14T18:47:00.001+08:00

Aha! An accomplishment. The end of the week. Oh my, time really flies.

I now have a goal. Oh yeah.

Haha. Retard. BAND INVESTITURE TOMORROW! WOO! Ok, redundant.

Not Again

2009-08-11T22:40:00.003+08:00

Don't guess who I'm talking about. You will never guess it right.

I am really sick and tired, that sometimes I really wanna break lose.

I am really pissed and angry, at the fact that you think you have nothing to lose.

I am really at the edge, hanging my thread.

Don't make me break.

Don't make me.

You think you're the only one in this world who has needs and wants?

You think you're so perfect that everyone else is at fault or wrong?

You think you're doing everything perfectly right?

Seriously, you pushed me enough. One more time, just one more time, you'll see what you've done.

I am sick and tired of you pushing me around like a punching bag. Seriously, if it weren't for it, I would have told you off. If it weren't for it, I would have retaliated like how I always do. I think I can play the role way better than you do. Tarnished. Totally. You drive me insane. Seriously. Never in my life have I seen such unreasonable actions.

Dah melampau lah. You think you're the only one who has feelings, who has concerns? Sesungguhnya seseorang yang beriman tidak akan bertindak seperti ini. Siapalah aku nak mengatakan itu semua. Aku bukanlah insan yang sempurna. TAPI, aku tahu, apa perkara yang berpatutan dengan situasi dan masa. Aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk mencegah diri daripada menjadi seorang yang kurang ajar dengan orang tua. Sekali lagi, aku tak kira. Jangan, tolong jangan. Aku memang tidak mahu masuk campur dengan hal-ehwal yang bukan menjadi urusanku. TAPI, sudah terlalu banyak kau masuk campur dalam hidup aku.

You want me to complicate the situation, I don't mind you know. I don't lose anything. You do. You lose EVERYTHING. You fucking lose everything. You might even lose your mind. You know what? The trouble really lies in you. I really cannot believe that such human beings actually exist in this world. But yeah, it's still not too late, but you have reached the last breaking point. Any further and that's it.

You know, I see this recurring. Back then, it was me. I woke up, I realise, I changed BECAUSE I, was the one at fault. Is it worth all the sacrifice? All the tears and all the lies? Seriously, what lies deep down?

If you're trying to turn me into something else,
I've seen it enough, and I'm over that,
I'm nobody's fool.

Go ahead and try, try to look me in the eye,
but you'll never see inside.

How far would you go for it?

Get Over It

2009-08-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, people need to learn to be less over-sensitive. Sometimes people need to forgive and forget. I need to learn that.

Another week of school coming. YAY, not.

I need a break, by the blue sea, with nothing but me.

Never

2009-08-09T21:04:00.002+08:00

Never say never.

Happy National Day everyone.

I hate it when things go wrong.

Same Level

2009-07-31T23:28:00.001+08:00

Finally I got my timetable, like YAY! I am gonna be teaching an upper primary class and a lower primary class, which basically means I'm floating, going for both morning and afternoon sessions.

I really like the atmosphere. It is such a caring and loving environment. Even the principal is well known among the kids. This really inspires and spurs me on (: I did complain because it was quite far from home but now, I think distance ain't gonna matter. The kids are great, the staff are excellent. What more can I ask for right? (:

Let's hope everything works out fine. ((:

Uncertainties

2009-07-30T22:33:00.001+08:00

Like seriously, that hamster is redundant. Hahaha!

I hate uncertainties, like seriously. Urgh. I hope tomorrow is certain.

Ok. Pathetic.

Hamster

2009-07-28T23:09:00.001+08:00

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

2009-07-23T10:39:00.002+08:00

I watched Harry Potter last Tuesday with my siblings. It was a seriously disappointing movie to me! So yeah. Haha. I wanted to type out about the movie but I won't be a spoiler lah huh :P

And yet another day of disappointment. I've been calling since MONDAY and still I cannot get what I need. Sheesh. They must be really really busy eh. One more day. I just need one more day and I think I have to actually go down to the school. Bleah. The last thing I want is to give a bad impression! Oh gosh. LINA! HELP ME! Hahaha!

And I have another toilet to paint. BLEARGH.

Results

2009-07-21T10:37:00.002+08:00

Oh yeah. Passed Swimming, passed EPT. Wohoo! *Dance around like a mad person* Ok. Stop. Hahaha. The EPT Letter is seriously damn sucky. It's really a waste of paper and ink man!

This is to inform you that as you have met the minimum requirements of the English Entrance Proficiency Test conducted by the RELC Examination Bureau in full, you have passed the EPT.

I'm like, WHAT? Can't they at least tell me how much I scored or something! BLEARGH. But hell yeah, I passed! Nothing else actually really matters. Hahaha! And to think that I actually don't have to take it >.<>

Yesterday's call to the principal failed. I'll call again later :D Keep good impression, MUST keep good impression. LOL!

Posted!

2009-07-20T09:46:00.002+08:00

I got the letter from MOE last Saturday.

I wish to inform you that you will be posted to Keming Primary School with effect from 27 July 2009. You will be deployed to teach Malay Language.

Wahaha. Finally, a burden off my shoulder. It is a lil far from Jurong though but still not that bad lah huh? It's like going to PJC, just paying more than 69 cents! Bleargh. It is a good thing that 174 and 157 goes to the school! If not, I don't know how sad I'd be. Hahaha.

I'm suppose to call the principal, but I'm scared. Sheesh! I'll be back! After the call... hehehhe.

ICE AGE 3!

2009-07-18T10:38:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I met up with Lina to watch Ice Age 3 :D It was a great movie.

"What's that sound?"

"That is the wind talking to us"

"What is it saying?"

"I don't know, I don't speak wind"

Like, Errrrrrrrrr, OK! Hahahahahaha! Go watch it if you haven't done so.

And up till today, I have not watched TRANSFORMERS! GOSH!

And today is my test day. Ahhhh crap. Swimming with small kiddos. Hopefully there would be someone as old as me. Wakakaka.

Too Hard

2009-07-16T11:33:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, trying too hard just brings harm. So yeah, just let it flow undisrupted, you may find a better good in it. All these years, I try so hard to make things right. At one point of time, I saw everything turning the right way. Now, it's back to square one again. Not trying anymore, final, full stop. Losing that one fellow won't make any much of a difference right?

Yesterday I told my boyfriend "I have too many friends!". I don't know why I told him that but I did and he said "What kind of a complain is that?!". Hahaha! It wasn't a complain ok! I was just amazed at the fact that I have so many friends, a few best ones, many close ones, and tonnes of Hi-Bye ones. The joy of it. Hahah! I love my friends, undeniable fact :D

Facebook, Tuition, Eat, Sleep, Facebook, Tuition, Eat, Sleep. Growing fat, growing fat! Ahhhh! 5 Kg is more than enough to freak me out man! Crap crap crap. I'm actually quite glad that I currently have no money. Why? It will stop me from SPENDING! Because I spend like there's no tomorrow with MONEY in my hands! Bad bad bad!

And then again, I'm back to Facebook. Zzz. Give me a life someone.

And It's All the Same

2009-07-14T11:20:00.002+08:00

MAEC Meeting was surprisingly just like MCS meeting other than the fact that it was at the Adult stage. Waha. I was freaking the youngest! The second youngest person is 25! It was definitely more formal and productive and the things they talked about were REAL. Not that I'm saying MCS meetings talk about fake stuffs but yeah, you deal will big money, big crowd, great expectations. Wahaha. I am definitely in the right place and getting quite excited about it. Wohoo!

And now I am down with flu. CRAP. URGH. Like there's no better time to get flu.

Awaiting!

2009-07-13T11:16:00.002+08:00

I am always waiting. Waiting for my letter, waiting for school to start, waiting for time to pass, BLAHBLAHBLAH. Pukes.

YAY! MAEC meeting today! How interesting. Something new for me. Wahaha! I cannot wait but I feel quite nervous too because I know NO ONE in that committee. Sheesh. Hopefully there are many nice people there. *PRAYS HARD*

Yesterday was Kak Intan's wedding. Ok, it wasn't really a wedding, just a simple nikah. All the best to you! (:

And until 27th July, my life will be this boring. Crap.

Just getting it back

2009-07-10T10:45:00.002+08:00

Ok, I wanna get the feel of blogging back. It's been so so long that I've neglected this darling blog of mine. Partly because of 2 reasons. Number 1, Invasion. Number 2, I don't have much to vomit out anymore. Oh well.

What is it with people that like to compare? It really sucks you know. Comparing marks, comparing attitude, comparing partners. Oh pfft. Don't compare ok. You're only bound to do more harm than help when you do such things.

My going out days are coming to an end. NOOOOOOO! Oh crap.

Just you and me

2009-07-08T23:33:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I really wished that the world just revolves around my family, my besties and him. So much interference makes me feel sick but I know, it's God testing me.

Went to met Nadiah today, have a little chit chat. Her real reason for meeting me was to pass me a book she bought for me and to get that cute little pink skirt from This Fashion. DARN IT! It's not there! AHHHH! I wanted it like so bad. She wanted it so bad too. Sobs.

Today at 19 years old, I thought I've gone through enough to know what's life.

It's totally wrong.

REVAMP

2009-07-07T12:25:00.000+08:00

A revamp, a revamp, hurray, hurrah!

Ok lame. Hahah. I am surprisingly free this week. Wohoo!

What a bummer. 20 days LEFT! AHHHH!

Rest, Relax, RAHRAH!

2009-07-05T11:31:00.001+08:00

My computer decided to create problems yesterday. So here I am, blogging again, with a new link. I guess that will sorta lighten myself up. Oh well, long story short, I don't want things to worsen.

So yeah! Jia Huey, Nadiah and I went to the Southern Islands yesterday to rest and relax! It was a time well spent! I stayed over at Nadiah's the night before. So at 5AM, we woke up to bathe and then started cooking! We did some sandwiches and cooked spaghetti. It was haywire! hahaha!

Met Jia Huey at Chinese Garden (it was suppose to be at LAKESIDE) and set off to Marina Bay. Upon reaching Marina Bay, we waited for bus 402. It took too long so we flagged a cab that so happened to come by. Lucky us!

Took the ferry and reached St John Island. It was disappointing because the ferry was leaving for Kusu Island almost instantly! So we alighted and boarded. Hahaha! Retardness.

Reached Kusu Island, looked for tortoises, but found none. Hahah! Went up to the shrine and then down to the beach! We had our lunch at a sort of pavilion. Haha. After digesting our food, we head down to the sea! Guess what, we got harassed by a 5-year-old boy! He was trailing us everywhere we went, even jumped onto Jia Huey's and my back! Gosh! Benjamin something Guan, that's his name. Hahaha. The three of us also did a little shouting. It did give us a little relief. Wahah!

After the swim, we went to bathe and head back to Marina Square! Went to McCafe to buy a drink and head down to Marina Floating Platform to watch NDP Combined Rehearsal 3! Mahmudah joined us along the way. We really enjoyed ourselves! It was like the real NDP man! WAKAKA. Got the fun pack too! WOhoo!

Went home, drained to the core. It's been some time since I last had so much fun.

27th July is coming soon!

Because of You

2009-06-26T10:08:00.002+08:00

You know,

Because of you, I feel like I have no privacy no more.

Because of you, I feel like I have no freedom of speech.

Because of you, history repeats itself.

So, don't blame me if I cause anything disastrous because it is all because of you.

Stop

2009-06-23T21:34:00.001+08:00

Stop invading my privacy. Go away.

I always thought...

2009-06-19T23:17:00.002+08:00

It is no wonder that ...

I always thought that I was too ignorant, too hypocritical, too arrogant. Apparently, I was partly wrong. Each and every one of us is wearing a mask. We all wear the same mask, the ever smiling, never frowning, pleasing everyone. The truth is, that's never the truth. I know, I myself created a huha but no one spoke. I definitely had the right to feel that way, but no, I swallowed everything, I acted like nothing happened. I know people don't like the way I act, but they put up with it anyway.

I always thought that things were too good to be true. There was never any pressing issues for 1 year, until it reached a point where everything literally broke. Obviously, I couldn't stay the hypocrite for long but I took it back anyway. So I was right, there can be no perfect "no-fighting, no-argument" friendship. I'm like pathetically sucking up just to survive.

I always thought that being hypocritical is just like saying a white lie. Reality check - you end up hurting more than you thought you would save. A few years of acting like something you're not, try that. Now, it unfolds in front of my very eyes. What lies ahead, only god knows.

Everyone will end such entries with "if you think i'm talking about you, just go click the cross on the top-right hand corner of the screen". Me not gonna do that. You're free to comment if you feel offended. I was only directing this post to myself anyway.

Like I said, it is no wonder that ...

Dead and Gone

2009-06-18T00:20:00.001+08:00

Record breaking. 12AM.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Hollow

2009-06-16T11:47:00.004+08:00

It tears me up
I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay

I've been draining myself like there's no tomorrow, acting like nothing's happening. The truth is, deep down, only god knows.

You cannot have things going your way all the time.

So, let's see.
Breakfast, Swimming lesson and Sentosa on Saturday,
Wedding, PC Show, Terminator Salvation on Sunday,
Badminton, Arcade, Pool on yesterday.

And it goes on.

Maybe we're trying
Trying to hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts

Terminator Salvation

2009-06-15T13:23:00.004+08:00

Alrighty! Watched Terminator Salvation yesterday with Mau Ching and Syed. It was one hell of an action-FULLY-packed movie. I can puke blood watching so much action in nearly 2 hours man! Craziness. John Conner's okay, but I like Marcus Wright! Hahaha!

Wohoo! The robot with the heart!

S13 fellas went back to Sentosa to play. 3/4 of the time was spent stoning actually. Here are some photographs. There are some more but I'm too lazy to upload. Blah.

Violent therapy seems to work for me. Haha.

Distraught

2009-06-12T18:43:00.002+08:00

Distraught. Disturbed. Disbelieve.

Everything goes off-track without warning. Everything goes wrong in a split second. Is it just me or June is not suppose to be my "Up-month". The last thing I want is this. What can be worse? All I want is someone to bring me away, maybe clear my memories. Some are just too painful to bear. Let loose. That's all I'm gonna do.

Retarded

2009-06-11T17:56:00.002+08:00

Which retarded fellow will get out of the house with an ez-link card and forget her wallet?

Me.

Which retarded fellow will get out of the house forgetting to do her prayers?

Me.

Haha. Totally retarded today.

Ok. Retarded.

Birthday Celebration

2009-06-06T09:02:00.002+08:00

Yeah Yeah! Hahaha. I had a hell lot of fun on my birthday. Thank you to all those who came. Thank you to all those who wished. It was a great get-together for most of us. The food, I assume, was nice too! Hahaha! Here are some of the photos. There are obviously more. Just go to ...

http://musicalism.shutterfly.com

Arigato (:

Yeah Yeah Yeah June June June!

2009-06-02T10:41:00.001+08:00

I just love June! Hahaha! Not only does my birthday fall in June, it's just the best month ever! Hahaha!

I will be away from today till 4th June, spending my time at some chalet. I'll come back with excellent fun news! Anyway, drop by my blogshop (:

My Blog Shop

Lalala...

Memories

2009-05-30T07:47:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was my last day at Pioneer Secondary School. I feel sad and happy at the same time. Hopefully everything will turn out fine (: Here are some photos for your viewing. I will upload the rest at Shutterfly!

Disappeared

2009-05-25T13:02:00.002+08:00

Hullo! I am back after disappearing for quite some time.

I am feeling rather lethargic now, rotting in the staff room, eager to go home. Yes I know, it is my last week here in school. However, it doesn't seem like it is the last week! Relief duties is just extremely irritating. I will survive this week. After that, I can sing and dance, and jump around all day and night till 27th July! Please god, give me a school that is near my house!

Life's been quite disturbing these days.

It's downhill now. It will go back up soon (:

I need a Camera!

2009-05-19T22:40:00.002+08:00

I want a camera. No, I NEED a camera! Anyone has any suggestions to what type of camera is the best? I want a digital camera, light and simple. Hmmmm...

Sony? Nikon? AHHHH!

I need a camera!

Hell

2009-05-18T18:26:00.001+08:00

Today, I was given hell. Seriously. What more shit can they give me man!

Anyway, come and admire my cute little face. WAKAKA!

Babies are just so cute right? But that's me! So it's a whole other different story! MUAHAHA!

Empty

2009-05-17T19:53:00.002+08:00

Oh well, from tomorrow onwards, it's gonna be all empty. Dang, no more permanent class. I feel so useless. I hate relief! URGH. Oh crap! I have to do the remarks for the test paper! ZZZ. Can I not do it? It's such a torture lah! Sheesh. I feel so URGH. Damn. Suci is just become more and more irritating. I am so sick of watching the show. EEEeee.

Can I not go to school tomorrow? Pweeeaaassseeeee?

Star Trek!

2009-05-14T21:16:00.004+08:00

Wohoo! Watched Star Trek with my love today. The movie was awesome! Two thumbs up! The effects were great, the crew was fantastic, the plot was interesting. My whole point is, the movie was great lah! hahaha! Go watch k? Then tell me what you think about it. Hopefully you share the same sentiments as me. Hee.

The crew
Kirk! (Chris Pine is cute right! Like OMG!) Hahaha. Ramizah doesn't do this often you know! My idol for the show man. He really rocks!
Spock (Zachary Quinto), I so freaking hate his hairstyle!
Nero (Eric Bana) EVIL! Muahahaha! No evil fellow is handsome la please. LOL!

Next movie: Terminator and X-men. X-men is a request from my boy. Terminator will be watched with Lina Khalisah! Hehehe. I cannot wait. Wohoo! Movie Mania! *dance around like a silly billy* Wohoo! Oh my. I just remembered. There's school tomorrow. CRAP. AHHHHHHH! NOOOO! Sobs ):

I wanna cut my hair!

2009-05-14T13:45:00.002+08:00

I wanna cut my hair. Imagine me looking like this...

Or this!

Wakaka. I bet many of you are laughing already. I wanna cut my hair. Any suggestions? I just wanna keep it short and simple. No hassle. Hmmm. I don't wanna end up looking like an onion head, of which some jokers call me >.< 2 more weeks. Just 2 more weeks. 5 more minutes and I am out of here. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!

DONE!

2009-05-13T20:09:00.002+08:00

I am finally done with marking! WOHOO! I feel good, Nananananana! I am quite glad that most of the students did well enough. Yeah man! Go 1P1. Hahaha! I'm cheering to myself. I am down with like, 2 weeks? Oh man, time really flies. Now I don't feel like leaving. Oh no! Tomorrow is the last day of examinations! AHHHH! That means TEACHING! OH NO OH NO OH NO!

Sometimes, we really need to let loose!

Congratulations PJC Ruggers (:

2009-05-13T07:58:00.003+08:00

Kudos to PJ Ruggers for playing a great match against JJ at SAJC yesterday with the score of 7 - 5! (:

And I'm marking like there's no tomorrow. BLEAH. I am glad it's the sec 1 NT papers. God bless me. (: I wanna make my great escape later. WAKAKA. :P

Retarded-ness

2009-05-10T19:52:00.002+08:00

I used to be this retarded.

LOL. I missed those retarded days.

Went to Malaysia 2 days in a row. Yesterday was the normal shopping day. Today, had to attend someone's wedding at Kluang. I have no clue who got married. I guess it was my mom's cousin's daughter, by the name of Ain? Ok. Hahaha. My family is everywhere in malaysia. Let's see... My grandfather has two wives ( >.< ), So I have uncles and aunts in Malaysia as the 2nd wife is in malaysia. Then my grandpa's sister is in Kedah. I don't know if there's anymore. My mom's side, my late grandfather's brother, which is my granduncle, has 12 children? So I have 12 uncles and aunts in Malaysia and I only know like ONE of them? Aiyo. My family. Hahaha! If I were to draw a family tree, I think it won't even fit an A3-sized paper.

Oh yay, no school tomorrow. It's still examination week next week so WOHOO! Hahaha. I love holidays. I love "no-lesson-days".

I love you more. Hee.

Crap

2009-05-07T20:02:00.002+08:00

Emangnya gue patung? Lu pikir lu lebih tua lu bisa menganiaya gue? Yang benar lu!

Aiye. Went to the gym with my love and my brother. I am obviously not a gym-er. All I did was my routines told by my physiotherapist 2 years ago. If I ever meet him and he finds out that I never practice what he said, we will definitely forcefully fix my kneecap back. Haha!

Random No 2. For my darling Lina. Hee :D

Just enjoy the show!

2009-05-06T18:39:00.002+08:00

Life is just like a show. It goes on, having several unexpected scenes. It may end tragically or like a normal cliche Happily Ever After. All you should do is to just enjoy YOUR show!

Went to MOE Building today. The briefing was just extremely long. I nearly fell asleep! Gosh. You know, excelling in your mother tongue language is extremely beneficial! Muahaha.

Oh ya, I managed to miss school today due to the briefing. WOHOO! Hell no, there's class tomorrow! Swimming is cancelled! RARGH!!! Swine flu, you just have to disrupt my life somehow huh.

Oh yeah! Uhuh! *dancing around like a mad fellow*

I'm just feeling random.

Remember those days? Hee.

Fallen and Risen

2009-05-05T17:57:00.002+08:00

I'm here today, with 18 years of history. Everything that goes up must come down at some point in time. I believe I peaked when I was 16, and fell when I'm 18. Today I come to realise all this. I'm making my decision now, at this crossroad. Yes, my downfall was when I was 18, but not everything was a downfall. I still met this special someone of mine (:

Today, I feel at ease.

RARGH!

2009-05-05T12:20:00.001+08:00

Invigilation is just extremely boring.

I think I have finally made up my mind. Hopefully it remains that way for the next 48 hours.

WAhhhhhhaaaa. No marking please, NOOOO!

PSS Sports Carnival

2009-05-01T22:18:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was PSS Sports Carnival. I didn't do much. Let the photos do the talking!

My 1S4 fellas - Always talking, some of my 40 KIDS

MY 1S3 fellas - the class who always call me cute >.<

My 1P1 fellas - extremely hyper students

Random photographs (:

Faiza's Birthday Surprise

2009-05-01T22:13:00.001+08:00

26th April 2009, Evelina and Ramizah decided to "FORGET" about Faiza's birthday.

We decided to create a brilliant plan to surprise her. At 10PM, Evelina acted like she was having a huge problems with her special one. She pretended she was crying which was awfully bad. Wakaka! Faiza obviously suspected, so she asked Issha and Syahidah to come down with her.

While the acting went on, Ramizah TRIED to keep the candles burning, but to no avail. Obviously she could not block the wind from all directions! Hahah! So... TA-DA! Happy Birthday Faiza! Wakaka ((:

I want

2009-04-29T21:12:00.002+08:00

Oh hell. I lost my mind the other time. Sorry Lorry Strawberry ):

Watched rugby match, PJC VS HCI yesterday. Evelina accompanied me to watch too. Wee (: Thank you my dear! The score was 56 - 0. This particular fellow with the scrump cap and the number 8 printed on his shirt didn't see me during the first half =P Haha. He scored twice *clap hands* Hehehe. I bought him chocolate for his after-match. Hee.

Met Shahrul during and after the match. The worst thing to experience is to have your good friend and this fellow ganging up against me! At least I bought something for my darling ok?! RARGH! Haha. And to find out that Shahrul sms-ed my darling sayingh he's going back with me just to spike him. Haiyo! I wonder what actually happens in school between this two! Haha. I miss school badly. Sobs.

Some people are just freaking insensitive. I don't understand how they cannot tell when you're feeling pissed. I don't understand how they can push me to my limits and continue doing so. People say I'm too nice, not standing up for myself. Urgh. Bad environment = Bad shit.

If you shit twice a day, you're healthy.
If you rarely shit, it's no good.
If you shit more than twice a day, HOW? That's what my dad does. LOL.

Crisis

2009-04-27T21:26:00.002+08:00

I reach a point in time where I hate interference. I hate it when people push me around to do things. I hate it when matters that are as tiny as a bean escalate and explode due to some busybody. It's just fucking irritating.

Sorry. I really cannot stand it.

One after another, a bomb explodes. I was hoping one of it would just explode and blow me into pieces. Damn.

I am losing faith is myself.

2009-04-25T18:31:00.002+08:00

Had lunch at Sakura Jurong West Stadium with Mrs Chee and the Band Alumni. Kudos! We are going to have a Band concert. Yeah Yeah! *dance around* Sakura is not worth it for lunch man! No oreo cheesecake! RARGH! But there were lime and orange sherbet, wehee.

Head back home, here I am, with Jia Huey next to me editing some photographs of her friends. I am just downright bored can?

Today I did house chores! I hung clothes and folded clothes. Great achievement! Wohoo! Wakaka. Like hello? Should I be actually doing this to help my poor mom? Ok, I know. I am a bad child. *Smacks myself*

Sometimes, behind those hideous acts, lies deep issues that no one can conquer. No one is to judge anyone. Once you judge, you're only humiliating yourself.

Ok. This is great development man. I am blogging slightly longer today. Wohoo! Nadiah is going to make us be her experimental instruments later. Wakaka.

Cats

2009-04-24T09:56:00.000+08:00

If only I can have a cat.

Ok. Random. I just have nothing to blog about but I just feel like blogging! How? This is getting pathetic.

I NEED A LIFE.

The Feel

2009-04-20T08:32:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, you just reach a point whereby you really want everything to just stop for that moment. I want to stop, but no I cannot. Just bearing with it, just bearing with it. I still love studying lah huh.

BLEAH. Lesson in 10 minutes. Oh let the world remain wonderful today too please!

Cats!

2009-04-18T07:56:00.000+08:00

It's a partially wonderful day!

2009-04-17T11:37:00.002+08:00

Today is a partially wonderful day! Weee...

My class did not start well. I had to scream at the top of my lungs, like every other time. After the quiz, they were slightly more well behaved. The moment the bell rang, they went crazy. So i told them "My dear children, please keep quiet". Some started laughing, like ok, fine. Still refuse to keep quiet? Ok, "Children, put your fingers on your lips!". They did, and some monkeys still can talk. So I greeted "Thank you children". GUESS WHAT THEY GREETED ME?!

"THANK YOU MOM!"

If I were to have 40 kids of such sort, I would be dead by now. Waha.

One of my powderful student was behaving well today, which surprised me. She showed me a shoe, did well for my quiz and actually paid attention in class. That made me feel even better. Miracles do happen huh. What a funny world, this is.

Like they say "Expect the Unexpected".

What would I say? "DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING!"

Wahaha...

I thank god for providing me with such a wonderful place to live it.
Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada, Boomdeyada,
BOOMDEYADA !

End

2009-04-14T20:33:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, you wished you can turn back time, avoiding the end. Sorry yeah, you can never avoid a dead end. Today, one class is taken away from under my wings. Hell yeah, I should be screaming "Yay!". No no, it's my better class out of the 3. Damn.

Students frown, but still make noise. Bleah. I'm gonna just fall sick again seeing these fellows tomorrow. BLEAH.

NO SCHOOL = RAMIZAH RULES

2009-04-13T14:48:00.002+08:00

Today, I was sick. Right . 37. 5 = mild fever. You must be kiddin me doc. It's a freaking flu and sore throat. I rather not see those devils in kids suit man. 1 day MC. 25 bucks gone. Urgh.

Went to meet up with Faiza, Evelina and Bao Wei yesterday! Got to talk a lot a lot a lot! Finally I get a group of people who are free during my birthday to celebrate. Wohoo! Now to decide WHERE to book, another whole story altogether. Chevron cost $300 bucks for 3 days 2 nights. That will definitely burn my pocket. Hometeam NS @ Pasir Ris costs $74.90 per night. That definitely sounds nicer but its at the other end of the world. Hmmm...

Celebrated mini devil Ezra's birthday yesterday too. He's 3 now, and weighs as heavy as her Primary 3 sister. Gosh. No curry puff yesterday! So sad! I bought him a placard with ABCs and a whiteboard. That fellow should jolly well start studying man. I cannot even imagine him in nursery. He's totally gonna throw other kids around! AHHHH!

Oh great, my whole family is sick.

And life goes on...

2009-04-11T11:21:00.002+08:00

After all the huha, everything is back to the way it should be.

I'm actually here to blog about nothing. I'm just bored and hungry, letting time pass, procrastinating and watching Susuk, the movie. Today is April 11. I cannot wait for term 2 to end. For some reason, I'm dreading things. Sheesh. If e results in 10 days prove to be what I really dread, I don't know what I'll say.

Beauty is not everything.

GOLD GOLD GOLD!

2009-04-08T18:51:00.002+08:00

PIONEER JUNIOR COLLEGE. GOLD.

WOHOO WOHOO WOHOO! Well done guys! You guys were great man! It was only PJC's second time in the SYF Malay Dance Central Judging. *Salutes fellow dancers* I really wanna dance now! * Dance, dance, syiok sendiri * Ahakz!

Dance Band Dance Band Dance Band Dance Band Dance Band Dance Band Dance Band Dance Band Dance Band!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok. Enough ramizah.

Barang, Barang, Barang Barang!

2009-04-06T19:09:00.003+08:00

Barang, Barang, Barang Barang! Umchichi Um chi, Umchichi, Um chi! Wakaka.

Such memories.

Boon Lay Concert Band. SILVER.

That's the way, Uhuh Uhuh, I like it, Uhuh Uhuh! WAhahahA!

Well done to all BLCB members! You guys were fantastic! Even I was brought to tears! The journey to THEIR summit was tough, but they made it through. BLCB just rocks!

Flautists, you were just awesome! HUAT AH!

Warning! Don't freak out!

2009-04-04T06:52:00.006+08:00

One fine night, a lady named Nadiah bought a new tube or face mask.

She decided to invite 2 lady friends of hers, Jia Huey and Ramizah over to have a chit chat session. Jia Huey was told to bring cucumbers over since she was the last to arrive. When everyone was there, we decided to plan for the weeks ahead before Nadiah takes of to her life journey to become a nurse (:

After some time, Nadiah got us ready to do some FACIAL. It is something Ramizah will so never do. Before anything happened, we were all perfectly humans.

Awhile later...

Ahahah. That was just full crap. I hope I didn't scare you or gave you a heart attack!

Went out with Lina yesterday to catch Confessions of a Shopperholic at Film Garde, Iluma. We kinda got lost because I was not sure which way was it. Ahaha. We ended up walking one whole round to get there. Many of the shops were not open yet. So yeah.

So we went up to the Cinema "area" or whatever you call it, and saw an arcade full of UFO catchers. To play, you need 4 tokens, of which one token is 50 cents. Not worth our spend since we both know nuts about catching stuffs from there.

Entered the theatre, with both our hands full. A down side about the theatre is the DOOR! It is already so heavy, they still placed curtains before you can enter the threatre! Mind you, our hands are full! Lols! Here's a photo of the walkway to the Door 6!

The movie was great. We forgot to take a photograph so we ended up taking one at Jurong East MRT platform. Ahahaha. Funny crap.

Here's the keychain from Bali that she gave me. Waha. I forgot to rotate it before uploading. It's ok lah right? Hahaha!

Oh yeah. I think I should go back to blogging. If not, I would just explode.

PUNCH

2009-04-02T22:06:00.002+08:00

If one day you see the news stating that a teacher punched a student, that's me.

Bloody hell man. Today they really pushed the button. I shall not waste my time talking about those idiots. Really man. Really.

A honey a day, keeps me away. Cheekiness. =P

Earth Hour

2009-03-27T20:18:00.002+08:00

Anyone really shutting their lights for one hour tomorrow? It's a hell great of a sacrifice man! Orhor! Ms Ramizah doesn't practicea what she preaches. Alalalah...

Suddenly I have the urge to blog. Sooooo, here I am.

Life is just the same. My first swimming lesson was cancelled, my cheeky monkeys and gorillas are making me go insane, and my lovely devils and now my lovely angels. Wahah. Life is just so unpredictable can? Ok, enough of the singlish slang.

I still wanna go on a holiday! I can't follow Seri to Korea because my parents would never allow. I can't go on a holiday alone because I am rather afraid of strangers! Oh bleah! Sobs.

All university applications submitted, now it's waiting period again. Waiting is just so tiring. Ok, up to now, you must have realised I'm actually rambling like there's no tomorrow. Just shut this webbie now, I'm gonna ramble further.

Ramble, ramble, ramble.

Meeting Jia Huey and Nadiah tomorrow to talk and rest. Still trying to find the time to meet Faiza and Evelina as our darling Faiza is always busy. S13 has disappeared. 4E5 just loves suprises. Me? I'm still here.

Roxanne's Bday!

2009-03-12T21:40:00.002+08:00

We celebrated Roxanne's birthday on Monday, 9th March. It was a fun outing (: Jac had to leave half way.

Been busy like crazy. Zzz.

STRESS

2009-03-02T22:00:00.000+08:00

STRESS STRESS STRESS. END OF STORY.

Kuan Yee's Early Birthday Celebration

2009-02-26T09:23:00.008+08:00

Hello! I am back with PHOTOGRAPHS! First up would be CNY gathering with S13 peeps.

Next up, Kuan Yee's early birthday celebration. Whenever anything involves Kuan Yee, everything that is ridiculous will prop up. So, her birthday present was COFFEE BEANS, PIKACHU TOOTHPASTE and a CAKE WITH INTERESTING DRAWINGS! Muahaha.

Here's the FOOOOOOOOD! It was definitely a great deal man. Firstly, it was ladies' night. So, games were free! So there was the Mind Combo costing $13.50. It consists of a drink, FREE FLOW!, a side of either soup or salad, a main dish and desserts! WOHOO! It definitely killed my throat that day.

Of course we played Games Games Games!

Gatherings are always fun, aren't they?

Time spent with you is never enough (:

SICK SICK

2009-02-23T18:54:00.002+08:00

Oh crap I'm sick. Bad timing, really.

Trying to sweat everything out now. Ok, the NIE trainees are here. That means I'll finally have to stop teaching next week. It's something I have not been looking forward to. Bleah.

A Levels results out next week, don't kid me. I still believe it's gonna be out 2nd week of march. Come on. Don't try. The moment Vanitha told me that, I'm like, CRAP. The moment I told Joan, she went "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". A Level Results is a taboo. Hahaha.

Am I jinxed or what? The previous teacher teaching 1S3/4 fell ill and had to stop teaching the class. Now I'm ill too. OH MY GOD. So coincidental. Okay, shut up Ramizah. I don't think you are so lucky to get pneumonia twice. ISHK! SHHHH!

Uhuh Uhuh. Celebrating Kuan Yee's birthday early, tomorrow. Wohoo! More birthdays man! I really need a life.

Crap

2009-02-19T09:25:00.002+08:00

Ahhhh! Why do I feel so crapped out now? The moment I reached school, I saw that I have to relief 3 classes, and I end at 4PM today. Double crap. Okok, I shouldn't be frowning. Today is sorta gonna be my last teaching day, other than next week which is just to pass over to the new teacher. Sobs. That will only mean more relief. Crap.

Today is just so crappy.

Happy Birthday Joyce!

2009-02-17T09:39:00.002+08:00

Yet another Tuesday, I'm here blogging. hehehe.

Happy Birthday to Joyce (Yesterday). The S13 girls except Roxanne were there at Pizza Hut to have dinner (: Next up will be Kuan Yee's Birthday! Weee. February is birthday days!

I am finally back with a new blogskin and a new blogsong. Haha. Why am I so high now? I'm not eating snakes Yi Zi. Wakaka. I'm eating chocolates. LOLS! No more chipsmore. Sad. Waiting for time to fly before my lesson at 12:25PM. Sheesh.

I am HUNGRY.

BYEBYE!

Muaha

2009-02-10T11:58:00.002+08:00

I feel very accomplished today. Math ain't so boring to teach.

I am currently immersed in a pool of Square Roots, Cube Roots, Prime Factorisation, LCM, HCF and Real Numbers. At least today's lesson was successful because I could relate Math to the world! All hail Ramizah! Ahahaha, ok no no, don't do that.

I need to get back on track and blog more often huh. As I mentioned earlier, my life is filled with Square Roots, Cube Roots, ......... So yeah, there's really nothing much to blog about! Unless someone take me off this second life of mine, my life is gonna continue like this, interestingly mundane. Ironic.

Ramizah is finally interested in reading and exploring. She doesn't wanna be a mountain tortoise anymore. Ahaha. Why am I talking in third person?! Knowledge is just lovely, isn't it?

I need to exercise. I need to move! This is to counter back the hours I sit in the staff room, like now, eating Chipsmore cookies non-stop, playing Mafia Wars and Rock Legends which is SOOO not a teacher's job!

Ahahaha. This is a long post.

Now it is about to end here. Haha!

CNY!

2009-02-02T09:10:00.002+08:00

Wooo. Went out for CNY gathering on Saturday with the S13 peeps. I missed Mr Lim's place. We went to Mr Paik's, Mr Fong's and Mrs Chan's place. Whoever who didn't go, totally lose out man! Wakaka. Only those who went know what I mean.

Ok, I am actually suppose to be working now but yeah. Haha. BLEAH.

I pity my blog. It is so pathetic. Okok.

WAHA! There's a new tv coming into my room soon! WOHOO!

This is so boring. Bye!

COMEBACK

2009-01-27T20:22:00.002+08:00

I need something extravagant to make a comeback. I seriously have nothing to blog about these weeks. Life's been so great yet so crazy. Hmmm... Wait a minute, today is the 27th. 4 more days to FEBRUARY?!?! OH MY! Time flies. Flee Fly, the days go by.

In case people wanna know, A Level results won't be out too soon. It will most probably be out in March, second week of March to be exact. It's news from above. Ok, not literally ABOVE. It's from the MOE/NIE personnel.

My facebook account is on maintenance. Wow. I thought maintenance doesn't exist in the facebook world. Ok. Lame.

Yes, Ramizah doesn't talk much sense anymore. Byebye.

Heh

2009-01-18T20:30:00.002+08:00

Yes I know, I haven't been blogging much. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I haven't got much to say! Down with fever on Friday and Saturday, recovered today, but headaches just won't go away. Dry throat, bad coloured phlegm. When i saw my phlegm and the colour of it, I'm like "CRAP!" You wanna know why?

When I was hospitalised last year and told the doctors the colour of my phlegm(the same one I'm having now), they gave me the "Uhoh" look and asked me more questions. So now, I'm giving myself that look. Sheesh.

Yes, once you fall ill, you'll always fall ill. So don't fall ill.

Even though it has only been one week, my body couldn't take it! Tell me it's due to my diet, tell me it's due to me not exercising. Yes, I need to exercise. Yes, I need to eat more fruits and vegetables. Any suggestions anyone?

School food is cheap. Transport fees are crap. JASON MRAZ IS COMING HERE SOON! and I am feeling Lucky. * smiles widely (and whitely) *

Ms Pink

2009-01-14T19:04:00.002+08:00

Today, again, people doubt me for being Malay.
Today, someone or some people, called me Ms Pink.
Today, someone asked for my age.
Today, someone said "Bye Ms Ramizah!"

Today is another fine day. Hahaha.

I feel like I'm living two lives now. Gosh. No more shabbily dressed Ramizah. Bleah. I missed those old days where I can wear just anything and not care about what people may think if I go to Jurong Point or Gek Poh. Hehe. I have to change I guess. No more sloppy Ramizah. RARGH!

I love the whole world, I love the clear blue sky... Boomdeyada Boomdeyada Boomdeyada Boomdeyada!

Back and Gone

2009-01-13T15:48:00.003+08:00

Hello again. Been rather busy going to school and all. Ok, that's a lie, I'm not THAT busy. Hehehe. Ok nevermind. School's fun. Some if the kids are really funny. Can't tell you much details here though so catch me around and I'll tell you my experiences for the past 2 days inclusive of today.

Let's pray to god that no more civilians suffer in the Gazza.

And now, I shall disappear again! ByeBye!